Last night I stayed up reading and thinking for a little while, and I decided to look ahead at today’s Old Testament readings (Ex 14:21-15:1). I am not sure why exactly I was struck by this again last night, but for whatever reason I was struck by just how matter-of-factly Biblical stories are told sometimes. I am thinking here particularly of verse 23: “The Egyptians followed in pursuit…” No deliberation, no anything, just followed in pursuit. There is no Egyptian perspective whatsoever. So, I tried to think of some funny things that some of the Egyptians could have thought or said to one another if some Hollywood style comic relief were added to the story. And, here is what I came up with for some dialogue between one Egyptian soldier and another as they looked on at the sea that had been parted (please forgive my brutally terrible sense of humor):

1 “Dude, … I don’t know if this is such a good idea.” (serious)
2 “Who is this pharaoh guy anyway?” (might only work for modern Biblical scholars)
3 “Wouldn’t it be funny if all that water just fell down on top of those slaves?” (ironic)
4 “No, you go ahead I’ll be right behind you.” (Scooby-Dooish)
5 Not really dialogue, but one soldier could have pushed another into the wall of water just to see what would happen. Would it be more like a waterfall? Or, would the soldier be sucked up like some kind of vortex?

Of course, we do not get any of this type of stuff, just that they went in, every last one of them (vs. 28) without question or deliberation. I maybe should not make light of a story where a whole army dies, but I guess it helps that I am not a fundamentalist with regard to historical details. Anyway, what do you think? What could have made for some good hollywood type one liners here?